why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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