What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
