so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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