Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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