I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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