Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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