I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
