I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
