oh god the rape fog is back!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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