Your mouth is God's brothel.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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