I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
