Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
