My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
