No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
