I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
