it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
