I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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