Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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