I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
