Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
