Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
