It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
