im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
