What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
