Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
