I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
