evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
