I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize