yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
