I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
