you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
