Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
