worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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