My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
