she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
