i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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