i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
