I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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