he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
did you just send me my own nude
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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