i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Floor bacon is actually really good
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
