this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
