Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize