You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
