life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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