around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
