All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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