And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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