Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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