Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
