I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize