apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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