You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
