and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
