i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
