Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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