Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
