so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
did i walk over a car last night?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
