why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
