I feel like abortions should bother me more
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
