guys are not supposed to queef...right?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Your penis caused this!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
