Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
