No stitches, just platelets and will power
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
