i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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