8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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