VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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