So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We smell like vodka and hangover
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