I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
