She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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